Topic: State Legislators' Message To Underage Drinkers
State Legislators' Message To Underage Drinkers:
-- To prevent blood borders, the drinking age in every State has to
be 21, because that's the only integer that is equal to itself.
-- A new scientific study published in the New England Journal of
Medicine conclusively establishes that the politicians you voted
against have a right to impose this law on you.
-- Statistical analysis of historical crash data proves that the
United States of America ought not to be a free country, with
liberty and justice for all, where the citizen decides what to
drink, where parents govern their child who still lives in their
house, where the punishment for drunk driving is handed out to the
-- Freeways are more important than freedom, -- especially when
it's your freedom, not ours -- so we sold your freedom to get
more highway construction money from Congress, (like a mother
selling her daughter for cocaine money,) and we still expect
you to respect it.
-- Drinking alcohol during pregnancy harms the baby, so we impose
Prohibition on men under 21 and not on pregnant women 21 and older.
-- The drinking age saves more lives on the roads than could be
saved by doing what it takes to eliminate drunk driving.
-- A combination of driving inexperience and alcohol make you a
greater danger on the road, whether you drive or not, and that
gives us the right to punish you when you drink alcohol, whether
you drive or not.
-- Don't drive drunk? We can list some other crimes you never
commit, as an excuse to deny liberty to you: murder, rape,
-- Everybody who drinks under age is immature and irresponsible
because they're doing something that is illegal, as well it should
be, because they're so immature and irresponsible.
-- Liquor corporations have the nerve to advertize their wares,
and we have more respect for their First Amendment right to free
speech than we have for your God-given right to drink the beverage
of your choice.
-- We can't stop older drunks from freely exercising their right to
practice alcoholism, because they hold too much political power,
but some of them started as teenagers and never had an opportunity
to quit since then, so we punish you instead.
-- You shouldn't destroy your brain while it is only 95 percent
developed. You should wait until it is completely developed and
then destroy it, like we did.
-- Even though the drinking age law is imposed on you by morons who
cannot see the obvious flaws in these absurd arguments, it is
embellished with a fancy seal, and the Governor scribbled his
autograph on it, so you have a sacred duty to obey it.
Translated by Tom Alciere
Webmaster, Underage Drinkers Against Drunk Driving
[Edited for spelling by the Holder of the Red Pen]